Cross Out

Just 3 months in university, equal to one trimester, in which I have to go through this 3 times every academic year.

What has it done to me？

G.A.D. - Generalized Anxiety Disorder

All what I've been through these 3 months is what I have never expected. I thought it all otherwise.

And then maybe the true me 'pop out'.

Then only I realised how uncontrollable life is, how I can't plan my own life.

Then only I realised, I am a perfectionist too, a perfectionist in my own way, a perfectionist of a bigger picture.

So many times I've been with myself, thinking all these through,

What is life about?

Is it all about what I'm going through now?

If it is, who say life is fun?

If it is not, then what is it? Can I ever live that life?

Those frets, is it all worth the time? Or just making it all worse?

5 months ago, when all those options seem so bright,

from, lawyer . architect . accountant . economist . doctor . psychologist .

Then only I know, after choosing any of them, there's no turning back, everything will only get even more limited.

And how can I ever forget that time in mid May till mid June.

5 weeks away from home, to a far far place which I never even thought of this 18 years.

I found out the what friends are, and what friends should be like.

They call me forever friend, and deep in my heart, I know it's sincere. It truly is.

Of course high school did taught me, but it was more clear there.

But then what? It's totally different here, in a place called University.

Now it's about, you and just you yourself.

Actually, I know what I need to do,maybe.

But I have no clue on what I'm searching for.

Just a plain degree cert, 1st honours.

With a strict requirement underlying, suffocating me for 5 damn years.