一肚子怨气

忍住不说，忍住不Post上FB，忍住不告诉人家。可是忍不住不宣泄。

你有压力，我有压力大家都有压力。我偶尔会在开玩笑当中说说一下我最近也很忙，只是想不对人家施以语气上的压力地间接给他知道--我其实比你更忙。但是为什么人家就是很喜欢用那种很认真很理所当然的语气说，“我很忙，很多事情做，做不来，压力好大。” 是不是想告诉我，“你酱得空，你去做” 吗？你开上市公司，做大老板，还是半夜去偷鸡？为什么明明大家都是学生，大家都是要上课的同时要兼顾课外活动，偏偏你的借口你的怨言就那么多？我比了比看，我没有跟你讲一大堆我其他的责任，你又知道多少？没有本事兼顾就不要那么多事啊。

不是说你不可以complain，是说可以不要complain成全世界你最忙吗？是不是我也要分担你的压力？说不够睡，好累。好心，我也一样好不好？时间大家都一样多，你觉得你不够睡我就够睡了吗？自己安排一下行吗？自己知道自己不够睡就不舒服可以就去睡一下吗？会死吗？
压力自己承担，PLEASE。

我没有说，但是我也是一百一万个大石头扛在肩上，还要面对一些态度令人想吐血的人，我经常complain给你了吗？

怨气吐完。

phew...

话说信心这回事。今天发现，自己的信心太外来了，太需要人家的肯定。人家一个眼神一句话，就可以打击那么深。外来的东西都是脆弱的，自己或许需要建立起来自己的信心。

我的信心随着越来越多的心思，反而更容易被摧毁。

亚太 结束

大学的第一场辩论赛 就这样 结束了

心情 是乱七八糟的

当初曾经下定决心 比完赛就不参加了

但是 经过几个月的训练筹备 整个人好像习惯了

现在打回原形 就整个没有办法适应过来

这次的比赛 说实话 我觉得跟中学的我 没有什么两样 可能只是有哪里小小的进步了 不同了

到底辩论对我来讲 是怎样？

是中学那段刻骨铭心的感觉？

是上场比赛那种快感？

是想进步思维的决心？

是想为未来铺陈的一条路？

搞不清楚

而我

是要继续看看能怎样发展？

还是要趁早离开？

狠

上了宝贵的一课。

人家说，上一次当，学一次乖。

我怎么就不信这句话？

被背叛了一次，为什么还要再相信第二次？

有人告诉我，‘你天真咯！’

'一看就知道，容易被朋友hurt.'

所以，我学会了。

学会去看人。

学会从现在开始要 ‘狠’。

不狠就只有自己吃亏，自己躲在角落委屈。

不狠不行！

Fullstop.

Final.

Watched from a distance as you

Made life your own

Every sky was your own kind of blue

And I wanted to know

How that would feel

And you made it so real

Taylor Swift-Crazier

**

高攀不到

这类型都特别吸引

你没察觉到 我们很不一样吗？

但是听说 你有你的了

所以，我再等等看咯

告诉自己：不要陷下去啊，这次再陷就没得救了。

怀念

觉得自己是老了吧！就是那么怀念从前。

从来不用孤军奋战的那段时光，怎样都会后盾。

或者说， 我都做得 心。甘。情。愿。

现在都没有动力了。

Cross Out

Just 3 months in university, equal to one trimester, in which I have to go through this 3 times every academic year.

What has it done to me？

G.A.D. - Generalized Anxiety Disorder

All what I've been through these 3 months is what I have never expected. I thought it all otherwise.

And then maybe the true me 'pop out'.

Then only I realised how uncontrollable life is, how I can't plan my own life.

Then only I realised, I am a perfectionist too, a perfectionist in my own way, a perfectionist of a bigger picture.

So many times I've been with myself, thinking all these through,

What is life about?

Is it all about what I'm going through now?

If it is, who say life is fun?

If it is not, then what is it? Can I ever live that life?

Those frets, is it all worth the time? Or just making it all worse?

5 months ago, when all those options seem so bright,

from, lawyer . architect . accountant . economist . doctor . psychologist .

Then only I know, after choosing any of them, there's no turning back, everything will only get even more limited.

And how can I ever forget that time in mid May till mid June.

5 weeks away from home, to a far far place which I never even thought of this 18 years.

I found out the what friends are, and what friends should be like.

They call me forever friend, and deep in my heart, I know it's sincere. It truly is.

Of course high school did taught me, but it was more clear there.

But then what? It's totally different here, in a place called University.

Now it's about, you and just you yourself.

Actually, I know what I need to do,maybe.

But I have no clue on what I'm searching for.

Just a plain degree cert, 1st honours.

With a strict requirement underlying, suffocating me for 5 damn years.